the blues & pretty stuff.

 

(source)

I'm suffering from the blues lately. Not sure what it is... I think it's probably the general lack of good sleep in my life (although I did go to bed at 6pm last night and didn't wake til 7am this morning. Thank you Ethan.) I think the blues definitely have something to do with the cold weather (i know i'm not alone right?) and just a general feeling of being overwhelmed 24/7 these days.

Never enough time. Again, a sentiment I know is echoed all over the world.

I actually deal with depression. (How's that for honesty?) And yes, that is a universal problem that so, so many people deal with. I'm actually on medication for it (the meds were initially for anxiety that I was dealing with when I was pregnant with Cooper, and I've just been on it ever since.)

 

source

When I get these blues (and I shoudn't use the word "blues" because they go so much deeper than that, and I don't want to trivialize depression in that way), I often remind myself how very blessed and lucky I am, because, really, I have nothing to be depressed about. I think that's just the way depression works. Sometimes there's really just no good reason for it.

I've found motherhood to be extremely challenging these days. Extremely. And my blues definitely come from a general feeling of just not being able to deal with those challenges. And then the guilt I feel because - well, let's face it: I think it's very easy for parents to feel guilt. Or worry - am I being a good parent? Am I nurturing everything that needs to be nurtured?

Or am I just simply surviving the day? That is how it feels most of the time.

Or am I simply just PMSing.

Yes, there are some serious blues that come from that. I often will get super depressed and then remember "oh, duh, your period is coming."

Sorry to sort of dump all of these feelings here, but I've really been thinking about the lack of honesty I see on blogs. And how disconcerting it can be. So many times I'll think to myself "wow, this person really seems to live the charmed life." But really, what people project on their blogs can be quite different from the way their lives are on a daily basis.

I think I've been craving more honesty. More "ok, this is where my head-space really is" sort of banter.

I don't always want to see how perfectly decorated your house is. I want to hear about how you had a shitty day and how much it sucked. I want to see that you are a real person.

I hope that I can be honest here. And frank. I will always show you some serious eye candy, but I think sometimes I just need to be real. Because otherwise, I sort of feel like I'm living this fake life online. I want to always remind people that there's a real person behind the screen.

I'm also feeling guilt about the fact that I'm way behind on returning emails. If you have emailed, i'm trying my best and I hope to tie up lots of loose ends this week. Thank-you for your patience. :-)

So to lessen the blow of all this ugly honesty ;-)... here are some pretty things that have been hoarding (yes, hoarding) in my closets for many, many months. I've been collecting things for several room redos that we're hoping to tackle this year. I always prefer to share my vintage goodness in their proper settings and vignettes, but honestly, I just haven't been able to tackle repainting these rooms to be able to properly decorate with these items. So they're just sitting on shelves in our closets and no one is able to enjoy them. (sad face)

So I thought I'd take some photos today and share them with you so that someone is getting some enjoyment out of my finds! :-)

 

Sitting all of my stuff out in pretty vignettes like this reminds me of what I used to do when I was little. I didn't really play with my stuff alot, I arranged them. I remember setting up little arrangements of similar items, almost like you would in a store. I remember a specific day where I arranged all of my little purses and set them up in perfect little rows on my dresser.

I think in my alternate life I own a cute boutique where I spend my days arranging things in pretty compositions, like the photo above. And I would have lots of glorious and perfect natural light in my store so that I could take pretty pictures of my arrangements. Yes, that would be my perfect life.

I've been looking for dresses to wear this summer. The two dresses on the right in the photo will have to be cut in half, as the bottom parts don't fit my big ass so well. (did I mention honesty?) So they'll be made into shirts. The shirt on the far left is actually an artist's smock! Not sure how I can make that into a shirt. Any suggestions? The back is of course, non-existent. lol. Of course I just loved the fabric and colors.

The "puffy purse" as I like to call it is one of my prized finds. I adore it. I love the fabrics the person used that made it. Yes, it's of course handmade! Such a funny little purse! The owl, I think, will be getting a fresh coat of spraypaint. I think i might keep the actual owl untouched, but paint the background a pretty springy color.

And how's this Motley Crew?

 

Only in my house would you find the Virgin Mary, a panda, a toadstool and an owl sitting so nicely together. ;-)

 

That panda kills me. I find my goodies at so many different places: antique malls, vintage on Etsy and Ebay and yesterday I literally stumbled onto a flea market when I went the wrong way on my way back from Lowe's. A for-real flea market. I'm convinced that we don't have the awesome flea markets and thrift stores (not to mention glorious estate sales and the like) in these parts like there seems to be in the midwest and other places in the US. So when I stumbled onto this flea market, I about peed myself with vintage-loving-glee. Cool stuff for REALLY CHEAP PRICES. My goodness.

 

I found this amazing board game from the 60's for $2 and I cut out the above illustrations from the box. That is what's so cool about flea markets. You can feel no guilt from buying an entire board game, cutting out images from the box and throwing the rest away (unfortunately the game itself wasn't so cool). I'll be using these as wall art.

For some reason they make me think of Miami and remind me of how excited I am that we're going this year.

And more clocks to add to my vintage clock collection that we're going to display in our kitchen (that yes, still needs to be repainted.)

The embroidered clock I'm especially proud of. I found it on etsy and I think it's a real gem.

So unique! The brass/wood frame will be getting a fresh coat of paint as well.

 

And these will be getting a fresh coat of spray paint as well (the frames that is):

 

Pretty colors. If there's anything that can lift this lady's blues, it's color. :-) I think I've decided that I want to repaint our bedroom in a pretty watermelony pink. With yellow accents. Similar to the pinks/yellows above. Ethan doesn't know yet. ;-)

I have SO MUCH FURNITURE that needs repainting as well. I'm not sure what I was thinking 3, 4, 5 years ago with all of this dark, dark furniture we have. It will be going to white for the most part (some I'm thinking some other colors as well). We have a very dark house, and all of this dark furniture just won't do. Anyone want to come over and help me paint? :-)

Thank-you to everyone that purchased the button kit yesterday! Means so much to me! And also a "thanks" to those that have submitted to the Creative Team. Again, I'm behind with emails, so bare with me! Thank-you for your interest!

Comments

[Jenny]

Danielle, I can definitly relate on so many levels. I feel like I have so much going on , I don't feel like I'm doing good at any of it at times. I think as mommy's we have so much our plate that it can be so overwhelming. I get overwhelmed too much and feel like I can't enjoy all the wonderful things I do have. I think we all need some sunshine and warm weather. I feel like this winter season really took alot out of me. When I get down I have to really look around myself and realize what I have and how blessed I truly am. I love your honesty!

[AngieK]

I really appreciate your honesty in this post. I turn to blogs like yours for a little peek of inspiration during my often "challenging" days with a 10 month old :-) It's nice to also get a glimpse of who you really are & what you're feeling too :-)
LOVE your finds, especially the bag & pillow. Awesome!

[Morgen]

I completely understand the surviving the day feeling. That is my out look on most days. Thank you for your honesty! It made me feel so much better about my own crazy life, just knowing that there are others like me out there. Thank you!

Morgen

[Amanda Elizabeth]

thanks so much for posting this Danielle! I agree so much, sometimes I feel super alone in the world of blogging, like everyone has these magazine perfect lives and I'm left wondering how they do it all! I find myself subscribing to more and more "real" blogs, where I feel like the people talk about themselves & personal challenges & share more than just beautiful photos! I think it's good when you have a problem to blog about it, its your blog & releasing the grump can totally help, I sometimes feel bad blogging about grumpy stuff but hey, it's my blog! <3<3 huge hugs <3<3

[chinamommy]

i've never understood those that felt the need to project perfectness... i mean, they really aren't so who are they foolin? Being a Mom is fabulous but also VERY VERY VERY hard! I'm sure I speak for all your readers when I say you inspire us and I, personally, am more than happy to hear about your normal hard days!!
Hoping the sun is out tomorrow! I live in West Michigan- one of the gloomiest places in America (even though Seattle is always trying to steal our thunder on that one!) so I know those long gray days can really get to you! Hang in there, you're amongst friends!!
xoxo
chinamommy (misschell)

[Amy]

This is quite possibly my favorite blog post ever. Because it is so honest, and I can relate to everything you wrote about depression, the overwhelming role of being a parent, guilt and how sometimes I have felt like I'm living a lie online. I think that is why I go on hiatus so often. Because the times that I have been honest, there's always some ugly personality that comes out and shames me for "airing my dirty laundry." I love it when people are raw and honest and share their shitty days. It makes people feel normal again and that it's ok if our house doesn't look like it's ready for an Anthropology shoot. (Or a Danielle Thompson shoot. ;-))
Thank you for sharing this piece of yourself with us. You've encouraged me and hopefully others to be more honest.

Truly,
Amy

[courtney]

Danielle,
Thanks so very much for your honesty! I have followed your blog for years, often lurking, but had to comment today! I thank you for your frankness and realness, I am a new Mama and it is not always easy for sure!

I do believe in Seasonal Affective Disorder as well and as a Florida girl I can attest that this winter has been rather wicked, in fact I heard the coldest in 30 years...so I know that warmer, brighter days are ahead...Wishing you the best!

Courtney

[liz kartchner]

just wanted to say hello beautiful girl... sending you hugs via this comment. ;)

xo

[Ngaire]

Danielle.
I love your blog, and I think i love it just a little more after this post.
You are right MANY people suffer from depression.. especially we creative types.. we just seem to feel everything a little more keenly.
I too have kids.. and have been on anti depressants since they were little.
I too, struggle some days. and some days i REALLY struggle.
it is as with most things in life.. all about baby steps.
take one wee step at a time.
notice when a breath is not laboured.
notice when a good thing happens.
notice when you are calm.
notice a gentle breeze, a single blossom, a quiet moment.
notice sweet moments with your babies... because although i know there are days that last weeks...one day. sooner than you think.. your babies will be bigger.. and the fog will lift..
I promise you.

much bliss to you,
Ngaire
xxx

[cynthia]

Danielle,I adore this real post and all the authentic comments left. I also take my happy (prozac) pills and still deal with depression and anxiety still. And I can soooooo relate to the PMS super weepy beginning moments. It never fails to catch me off guard each month! too. Ah real life and I do agree about the whole blog thing. I try to document my real life, but always feel like I should blog about pretty people, places and things. But, don't want to sometimes. Thanks for the reminder it is oK and honest thing to do:)
I love your creativity and all your inspiring goody's in the post.
Lastly Know that the depression cloud will pass again, it always does:)

[ArtsyMama]

Thank you for sharing in such an honest way. I know that it's hard to put it out there, but look at all these amazing comments. So many people feeling the same way, so much empathy and compassion. Thanks for shaking us out of the box of only "pretty stuff" on our blogs. Love that you are so real. LOVE IT! Hope things get better for you. You have quite a community of support here. We are reaching out wholeheartedly.
Ok, loving all your goodies here. That puffy purse rocks! Regarding the "watermelon colored room" that's what Chloe's been asking for, watermelon pink with black polka dots like seeds!!!
Take care and thanks again. You are amazing!!!!
Kari

[Emily]

I don't have anything new to add, but just wanted to say that I appreciate your honesty. It's true, I think that people in the blog world often project a different image, so it's always refreshing to see people that keep it real.
As usual, I, too am inspired by you. Especially as a mom of two boys. It's nice to see someone who I can really relate to!

[Sarah]

I usually don't comment on blogs if I don't know the people. But, I like you after reading that post. I am tired of "everything is perfect and these cupcakes don't even make me fat" blogs.

Has anyone made suggestions for the smock? I saw a Martha show about how to make a summer dress that is smocked with elastic thread on the top. I bet you could do that on the bottom of the shirt. Or, Angry Chicken has a tut about using elastic thread to make gathers in the back of a shirt to make it more fitted. I like the first idea. I'm not a great sewer, just wish I was- so I look at ideas a lot.

[tammy t]

I love how real you are and I too have a gripe with blogs that make everything seem sunny every day. It's a reality that no one can live up too. I hope you feel better knowing that you are not in the trenches alone! I too get bluesy this time of year and feel like I shouldn't, but there you go. I feel your pain and hope that you are doing okay.

And I can so relate about staging things. I think thats why I played with Barbies when I was younger...so I could set up a house, and rearrange, and rearrange....

Hugs to you!

tammy t

[Nina]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. There's noone in this world who's always happy. Nobody's perfect. Take care :)

[lu]

Don't quite know how I missed this post, but I want you to know you are not alone at all in how you feel. I have been having a difficult few months on a personal and career level. To say it has been pain-free would be a complete lie.

I appreciate your honesty and I have found the flavor of my blog is changing as I show that I am human and I am real. I love shooting photography and making art, but there is a person with a spirit and soul who hurts and does not always feel so inspiring.

Thank you for your words, D.

[Christy]

thanks so much for this post. i, too, struggle with depression and take meds. it's something i've struggled with for most of my life, but only recently being officially diagnosed. i started feeling better once i started my medication, but i really didn't feel better until i was honest with my friends and family. i thought it was easier to keep my depression hidden, to portray this "perfect" life. but, it is amazing how supportive people are when you admit to it. so, thank you, for your honesty. it gives me the encouragement to be honest with even more people.

this time of the year is the hardest. not enough sun. cooped up indoors too much. i'm so ready for spring! thanks for the eye candy. I love coming to your blog - love the colors, the photography, everything. just remember that each day is a brand new day, a fresh start.

[minitoko]

Thank you Danielle for this post. It's good to read. especially for a new mom with ears full of "you should do this and that" and head full of "Baby boy, mom needs a break". Merci et courage !

[Casandra]

Thanks for the honesty, parenting is rough! I have a 1 1/2 yr. old son who spends most of his time each day screaming and throwing temper tantrums. Our house is constantly a mess, I'm frazzled, exhausted beyond belief and super down and discouraged on most days. Color really helps cheer me up too, I have been painting our apartment slowly but surely in my free time (usually late at night :p). I do feel that colors help to lift my spirits a bit and sometimes relieve some of the stress that I'm constantly plagued with. Venting can be a really good way to release that inner tension and frustration.

[Kristy]

What amazing finds, I especially love the embroidered clock!

[alix*strawberry lemonade girl]

I haven't read the comments yet, so apologies if I'm redundant.....but several things.
I'll begin with the silly/pretty stuff. I swear, if you came over to my house you would have thought that I snuck into your house and robbed ya. We have SUCH similar taste when it comes to "junk" (and by "junk" i mean ALL THINGS FABULOUSLY VINTAGE!!!). I have all those big eyes (they're hanging in my office at work), I LOVE the hipster boardgame couple illustrations (are they playing Battle Ship???), and all the other knickie knacks. OH, as for your dresses, you can lop 'em off....or if you can sew (or know something who can) consider "lifting" the dress. The navy on in particular looks like it could be a good candidate. I basically remove or fold under the offending middle (too tight on my booty or belly part) so that the bottom portion is raised and i have the wider area on my hips (not my knees). Not sure if i'm making sense. But it usually still looks cute and is a more flattering length!

OK. Now on to the important stuff. Several weeks ago I tweeted this very thing:

You know how "Life According to Blogs" is always rosey? Everyone's house is IMMACULATE! Their kids PERFECT! Well I'm coming clean ya'll

My house looks like an episode of Hoarders and I totally snapped at Wolfie this morning and was mad when I dropped him off at kindergarten.

I feel like an ass. *sigh* Life is far from perfect some days, my friends.

And oddly, NO ONE COMMENTED. And I wondered, "Do they not want to hear the truth? Do they just want roses and sunshine? Because life sure is hard sometimes." And it makes me feel better to know that other's out there are just like me. And while I don't wish saddness/depression/blues on ANYONE, it gives me a small amount of comfort to know that someone as amazing and bad ass and talented as you KNOWS what I'm feeling too. I could write a novel on this...and it's hard, because I totally know that in many ways blogs are escapism. I like to read about these perfect lives sometimes and I know my peeps don't want to be bummed out. But I think a nice dose of reality is often just the thing. (I was struck with my first ever panic attack this past year....they came regularly for a few weeks. I've got them under control but I can't drive across the damn Bay Bridge any more as a result!!!).

Thanks for being so brave and honest with us. It's why we love ya. And you have an ear if you ever need one....
xoxo

[Jill]

Oh honey, you are soooo not alone! Being a mom is so hard at times. I am pulling for you to come through this quickly. Our beautiful Ga spring season is about to start(I least I think it is,if the snows done..)the trees will be budding with color.Take care

[Alice]

I've dealt with clinical depression and anxiety for the past ten years (I'm 24). I've been on various anti-depressants, and have been on my current one for at least five years. My husband and I are hoping to try for our first baby in about a year, but that means going off the anti-depressants. I'm scared (and so is he).

Thank you for posting something so personal. It's something that many people deal with, and that many other people don't understand.

You are an amazingly talented woman. I love everything you do, and hope you know how many people you inspire. You rock.

-Alice
www.aliceclair.com

[Children of Eve]

One way I chase away those blues is to look at beautiful blogs like yours. Thank you for the beauty and the honesty. This too shall pass.

[Lee-Anne]

i wish more bloggers with insanely cool blogs would be honest like you. i liked you before, but i feel i love you now :) x