the blues & pretty stuff.

 

(source)

I'm suffering from the blues lately. Not sure what it is... I think it's probably the general lack of good sleep in my life (although I did go to bed at 6pm last night and didn't wake til 7am this morning. Thank you Ethan.) I think the blues definitely have something to do with the cold weather (i know i'm not alone right?) and just a general feeling of being overwhelmed 24/7 these days.

Never enough time. Again, a sentiment I know is echoed all over the world.

I actually deal with depression. (How's that for honesty?) And yes, that is a universal problem that so, so many people deal with. I'm actually on medication for it (the meds were initially for anxiety that I was dealing with when I was pregnant with Cooper, and I've just been on it ever since.)

 

source

When I get these blues (and I shoudn't use the word "blues" because they go so much deeper than that, and I don't want to trivialize depression in that way), I often remind myself how very blessed and lucky I am, because, really, I have nothing to be depressed about. I think that's just the way depression works. Sometimes there's really just no good reason for it.

I've found motherhood to be extremely challenging these days. Extremely. And my blues definitely come from a general feeling of just not being able to deal with those challenges. And then the guilt I feel because - well, let's face it: I think it's very easy for parents to feel guilt. Or worry - am I being a good parent? Am I nurturing everything that needs to be nurtured?

Or am I just simply surviving the day? That is how it feels most of the time.

Or am I simply just PMSing.

Yes, there are some serious blues that come from that. I often will get super depressed and then remember "oh, duh, your period is coming."

Sorry to sort of dump all of these feelings here, but I've really been thinking about the lack of honesty I see on blogs. And how disconcerting it can be. So many times I'll think to myself "wow, this person really seems to live the charmed life." But really, what people project on their blogs can be quite different from the way their lives are on a daily basis.

I think I've been craving more honesty. More "ok, this is where my head-space really is" sort of banter.

I don't always want to see how perfectly decorated your house is. I want to hear about how you had a shitty day and how much it sucked. I want to see that you are a real person.

I hope that I can be honest here. And frank. I will always show you some serious eye candy, but I think sometimes I just need to be real. Because otherwise, I sort of feel like I'm living this fake life online. I want to always remind people that there's a real person behind the screen.

I'm also feeling guilt about the fact that I'm way behind on returning emails. If you have emailed, i'm trying my best and I hope to tie up lots of loose ends this week. Thank-you for your patience. :-)

So to lessen the blow of all this ugly honesty ;-)... here are some pretty things that have been hoarding (yes, hoarding) in my closets for many, many months. I've been collecting things for several room redos that we're hoping to tackle this year. I always prefer to share my vintage goodness in their proper settings and vignettes, but honestly, I just haven't been able to tackle repainting these rooms to be able to properly decorate with these items. So they're just sitting on shelves in our closets and no one is able to enjoy them. (sad face)

So I thought I'd take some photos today and share them with you so that someone is getting some enjoyment out of my finds! :-)

 

Sitting all of my stuff out in pretty vignettes like this reminds me of what I used to do when I was little. I didn't really play with my stuff alot, I arranged them. I remember setting up little arrangements of similar items, almost like you would in a store. I remember a specific day where I arranged all of my little purses and set them up in perfect little rows on my dresser.

I think in my alternate life I own a cute boutique where I spend my days arranging things in pretty compositions, like the photo above. And I would have lots of glorious and perfect natural light in my store so that I could take pretty pictures of my arrangements. Yes, that would be my perfect life.

I've been looking for dresses to wear this summer. The two dresses on the right in the photo will have to be cut in half, as the bottom parts don't fit my big ass so well. (did I mention honesty?) So they'll be made into shirts. The shirt on the far left is actually an artist's smock! Not sure how I can make that into a shirt. Any suggestions? The back is of course, non-existent. lol. Of course I just loved the fabric and colors.

The "puffy purse" as I like to call it is one of my prized finds. I adore it. I love the fabrics the person used that made it. Yes, it's of course handmade! Such a funny little purse! The owl, I think, will be getting a fresh coat of spraypaint. I think i might keep the actual owl untouched, but paint the background a pretty springy color.

And how's this Motley Crew?

 

Only in my house would you find the Virgin Mary, a panda, a toadstool and an owl sitting so nicely together. ;-)

 

That panda kills me. I find my goodies at so many different places: antique malls, vintage on Etsy and Ebay and yesterday I literally stumbled onto a flea market when I went the wrong way on my way back from Lowe's. A for-real flea market. I'm convinced that we don't have the awesome flea markets and thrift stores (not to mention glorious estate sales and the like) in these parts like there seems to be in the midwest and other places in the US. So when I stumbled onto this flea market, I about peed myself with vintage-loving-glee. Cool stuff for REALLY CHEAP PRICES. My goodness.

 

I found this amazing board game from the 60's for $2 and I cut out the above illustrations from the box. That is what's so cool about flea markets. You can feel no guilt from buying an entire board game, cutting out images from the box and throwing the rest away (unfortunately the game itself wasn't so cool). I'll be using these as wall art.

For some reason they make me think of Miami and remind me of how excited I am that we're going this year.

And more clocks to add to my vintage clock collection that we're going to display in our kitchen (that yes, still needs to be repainted.)

The embroidered clock I'm especially proud of. I found it on etsy and I think it's a real gem.

So unique! The brass/wood frame will be getting a fresh coat of paint as well.

 

And these will be getting a fresh coat of spray paint as well (the frames that is):

 

Pretty colors. If there's anything that can lift this lady's blues, it's color. :-) I think I've decided that I want to repaint our bedroom in a pretty watermelony pink. With yellow accents. Similar to the pinks/yellows above. Ethan doesn't know yet. ;-)

I have SO MUCH FURNITURE that needs repainting as well. I'm not sure what I was thinking 3, 4, 5 years ago with all of this dark, dark furniture we have. It will be going to white for the most part (some I'm thinking some other colors as well). We have a very dark house, and all of this dark furniture just won't do. Anyone want to come over and help me paint? :-)

Thank-you to everyone that purchased the button kit yesterday! Means so much to me! And also a "thanks" to those that have submitted to the Creative Team. Again, I'm behind with emails, so bare with me! Thank-you for your interest!

Comments

[The Design Confidential]

Thank you for posting this! You are not alone by along shot! Also funny that I spent my time arranging my toys and clothes when I was young as well, enjoyed looking at them more than actually playing with them. Rayan

[aimee]

Thank you for sharing! This is the most refreshing blog post I think I've ever seen. It makes me feel like a freak when everyone online seems to be so perky, super productive & handling everything like superwoman-because that's so far from my reality some days.

Like you I get "the blues", which is really just a nice name for a very ugly feeling & I understand how you don't want to trivialize it, but remind myself how fortunate I am and that even though I have no reason to be down it just happens.

So nice to see a real post-along with the pretties :D

[Kayanna]

You are not alone my dear. All of us mothers who are trying to balance motherhood and our own creative pursuits have it hard sometimes. When the anxiety and the "blues" hit I know that I have to just dive deeper into the things that are important to me. I would never make it through without those things.

Beautiful, awesome thrift store finds!! I LOVE those dresses. I too suffer from the same, rear-end problem, ahem. I never thought of coverting dresses into tops... That opens up a whole new vintage world for me!!

[Kristin]

Danielle - You are DEFINITELY not alone as I was literally just typing an email saying I can not and will not be one of those bloggers that says " my life is so amazing" every day because frankly, mine is not. I seriously debated doing a post last night about using my "wreck this journal" as a tampon, as that was more of a pressing issue in my mind than making a paper airplane or taking pictures. I'm with you on keepin' it real and appreciate your taking your time to share this with us. Reality can be just as inspiring as eye candy :)

[ana]

Audrey Hepburn called them the Mean Reds in Breakfast at Tiffany's.

Holly Golightly: You know those days when you get the mean reds?
Paul Varjak: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?
Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?
Paul Varjak: Sure.
Holly Golightly: Well, when I get it the only thing that does any good is to jump in a cab and go to Tiffany's. Calms me down right away. The quietness and the proud look of it; nothing very bad could happen to you there. If I could find a real-life place that'd make me feel like Tiffany's, then - then I'd buy some furniture and give the cat a name!

Maybe you need a trip to Tiffany, or your happy place of choice?

PS: I have all those big-eyed girl paintings too! One day, I'll photograph my whole embarrassing stash.

[Kim]

I just ran across your blog and I agree deeply with this post. I too have a blog and lately I haven't posted anything because like you mentioned, I'm just trying to survive my days lately. Stay at home life with daughters 2 and 3 yrs old is draining. Seriously my life is great, fun kids loving husband and growing business but I'm in a blah state that I too can't shake. I read certain blogs daily, and like you I want to hear that sometimes their lives aren't so happy, super organized and that during the photo shoot of paper crafting with your 3 kids with glitter and glue you lost your cool. I can understand how some of these women want to appear perfect because of business. We all want to be liked. I just want to hear the realness in their lives too, not just how insanely perfect they run their lives, and raise their children. Thank you for writing this post, it made me feel more connected and real.

[Jules D]

How refreshing to have such honesty displayed on a blog. I'll be the first to admit that I read blogs for the "eye candy". I want to see beautiful rooms and fabulous craft projects (modeled on perfectly gorgeous and well-behaved children). I wanna know about the glorious recipes that everyone but me has the time and motivation to make. But, then you know, eventually I really start feeling like crap about myself. Why isn't my life super organized and visually merchandised like an Anthropologie? There must be something wrong with me, because I just can't keep up. So...THANK YOU, for being honest. I really appreciate it. And, while I'm ranting...why can't people be more honest about motherhood? It's hard. We all struggle. Why do we have to put on such an act around other mothers? If we would just commiserate with each other it would feel so good and be extremely therapeutic. Mean reds, indeed.

[Karla]

Danielle, you are not alone. You echoed how I feel most days as well. I too have dealt with depression and anxiety and have been off meds for a while but since becoming a mother last March I often wonder if I should be back on them. Feeling like you are just surviving is a common emotion for so many mothers of young children I think. I applaud your honesty. It helps us all realize we are not alone in our struggles.
Karla

[Brandy Von Doeren]

it's nice to hear someone else be honest about depression and the reality that it's in the art world. I too am diagnosed with depression and have been on meds for 6 months in addition to on again, off again therapy. Whatever it takes to be happy, right?
I hope you feel better, and maybe ask your doctor about different meds, i just recenlty got my changed to 60mg of Cymbalta ( i was taking 20mg of Lexapro).

[Lindsay]

these same sort of words come out of my typing hands last night.
+++
isn't that depression monster sneaky? making you feel drab and gray when in all reality you are surrounded by bright colors and lovely life things??! i think that's what make the unaffected part of the population unable to understand how deep the "blues" can really get.
+++
thanks for this. three cheers for blog honesty.
love, lindsay

[rachel denbow]

Danielle,
It's posts like these that give the rest of us the permission to share and then we both feel a little better. I've been feeling things more heavily this year with the challenges of a new addition, trying to create a stronger blog presence, figuring out preschool (this year or next and where), husband being a full time student, being in the ROTC and Reserves and all the demands that places on his time, and trying to take care of myself and get back to a healthy weight after baby. These last two weeks have kept my head spinning but that little voice in the back of my head keeps telling me that I should keep it all together and get over it. That little voice that always makes me feel like I should be able to handle it all and never feel overwhelmed and that it is a character flaw to admit that this is hard and that I need to be gentle with myself. I try to remember that little voice isn't truth but it's become quite loud lately.

Thanks for your honesty and for letting us know we're not the only ones feeling this way. It helps.

And I'm completely jealous of your embroidered clock. It's stunning.

[kari]

thank you for this post. so brave.

[Sarah]

Lovely post and very brave of you to be honest with everyone. I can't say that I understand completely how you feel, because everyone deals with depression differently, but just know that there are plenty out there who do feel somewhat similar to you. I've been on meds for just over a year now and I can go from being extremely enthusiastic to horribly negative the next. It's a constant cycle, but one that I hope one day to break.

You'll get there too. Just remember that you're not alone. :)

[Sara*P]

I could have written that stuff on depression word for word. That's EXACTLY how I've been feeling. I'm going to the Dr. next Tuesday and I'm hoping for help getting it under control. If i lived closer I would totally come over and help you paint! :) Thank you thank you for this post.

[thewatergirl]

I really appreciated this post and your honesty.

[Michelle Clement]

Dude! :) You find the best stuff. :) That panda is amazing! (not to mention the game illustrations and everything!). I finally found some alright thrift shops and fleas around here, but the best ones are in the scariest parts of town, I know, and I don't like to venture out to those alone...lol. So you're lucky! That clock is amazing, too - thank goodness for Etsy vintage. :)

And I love honesty on blogs, cuz we're all real people. You can't sugar-coat crappy days, it's just not cool. :) Yay!

[Rachel Mackin]

Thanks for this post and your honesty. I'm quite new to blogging and find it really hard to talk about 'real life'.

What you wrote sounded the same as how I sometimes feel. I've suffered with depression on and off since I was about 15, for various reasons and been on med several times. I do always feel crappy at this time of year, grey days are the pits. I honestly feel like a completely different person when the sun is shining. I try to fill my life with colour and creativity, much the same as you and think I would completely loose the plot without those things.

I hope you soon start to feel better and the sun soon starts to shine again where you are. :)

[CrazyMomTats]

hey - hang in there - am a Hotlanta blogger with family issues - read my blog and you'll see. I take meds and am better for them. And it's been winter for damn ever! That'll make anyone down.

I think you'll feel better by the time you see the daffodils blooming, or before.

[Karli Plant]

you are SO not alone with the "blues". . . especially in the dark, dank winter months.
the number ONE reason i don't like where we live!
too much of the depressing months!

hang in there hon.
don't feel bad either. . . i think if we were all VERY honest with ourselves. . . depression is something we all deal with.
for instance. . . i am always way too hard on myself.
i compare what i can get done to what others accomplish. . . and it makes me feel alone and just plain "icky"!
i CAN'T do it all. . . and i REALLY, REALLY wish i could!
hate that.
it also makes me *very* cranky! poor Pace and the girls. . . they are the ones that get the "bad" side of me!
thanks for sharing. . . it nice to know that others are "real". . . as you said.

and. . .p.s. your *new* goodies ROCK the casba!
wow.
i just love your house.
envious girl-y! :)
how funny is it that we have some of the same "big-eyed" art! tee hee!
your collection is FAB. love love love!

[Karli Plant]

oh, i forgot to say. . .

i love you honey!

[Unafloresita.blogspot.com]

Totally normal to get the blues - especially at this time of year!

I agree with you, that so many blogs out there project a very positive, cheery image that can be a bit intimidating. I think mostly, people are just trying to collect all their positive thoughts and project those into the open. But I, too, appreciate the honest posts, the posts where people admit they get sad, overwhelmed, or feel less than perfect all the time.

Just know that you are SO inspiring - everytime I get the blues, I click over to your pics to get inspired. I'm so grateful for your creativity!

[Chelsea Ann]

Hi Stranger~ Oh I feel terrible... I was thinking you were grumped at me... but like you said so perfectly what people are projecting online is not how they are really feeling... or just because your showing so many wonderful things doesn't mean life is so peachy. I face the same issues with depression and anxiety as you well know... and also feel the strains of not being able to get everything done and ALWAYS this overwhelming feeling like I'm letting people down. I've often wanted to be on medication but with the whole trying to get pregnant I have not chosen that path. I think counciling is great!!!!! You don't need to have big problems to have lots to talk about. It's important I think to learn good copping skills to dealing with our anxiety and not letting it consume us. But I also know somedays the big ugly moster just has his way - ha especially with the PMS! I cried for a solid hour last Sunday. Even though I know it's coming and know I'm not pregnant... once it starts I can't live in denial anymore and I have a good cry -like every single time! So anywho... Honesty is great. I preach it on my blog all the time. I think it is good for us all to share - because we all face the same demonds in our lives. It's nice to not feel alon and also to remind yourself and others that we are all human :) I love you dear!!!! ALWAYS!!!!! Your vintage finds are amazing as always!! I just ADORE your style! Well I best be back to work! Have yourself a wonderful day - don't be so hard on yourself :) Love Chelsea Ann

[Asha]

I've never dealt with depression but I have been going through a lot of stress with my 3 yo daughter. Some days I feel as though I'm going nuts and I wonder why it's so difficult with her. Did I do something wrong? Everyone tells me girls at her age want independence and control.
I see your life as the charmed life. That's why I visit. I don't sit down all day long because I"m cooking, cleaning, running errands, fixing problems, cleaning up spills and answering to the never ending , "mom!!!" EVERY FIVE MINUTES, oh and my daughter now changes her clothes at least five times a day and won't go to the potty without me. I dream of sewing and thrifting and scrapbooking and making things but I don't have one minute to myself. So because I can't do it, I get excited to see what you've done. I love vintage and I LOVE color so I feel at home on your blog. The eye candy on your blog is just awesome. It brings me out of my funk.

[tiphaniefaith]

Thank you for being soo honest. It's refreshing! :)

[Mandy Ford]

From another mom of two boys that deals with anxiety/depression I just want to give you a big hug! It is so hard to understand unless you have dealt with it personally, and adding kids to the mix just makes some days almost unbearable. I'm so glad that you sharing this part of your life because I agree that the blog world can make our lives seem so glamorous when we are all dealing with the normal reality of living life. Hang in there - brighter days are sure to come!