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So, I debated whether to tell this story, because it's a bit of a downer (because who really needs to hear a downer story, am I right?), but i promise I'll make up for it at the end.. and there's a point to it all. :-)
I've been thinking alot lately on the simplicity of just being nice.
Being nice to the people you know. The people you don't know. The people you love. The people you might not love so much.
I catch myself being way too cynical about people and sometimes expect the worst before I even have one conversation with them. But I do try to give people the benefit of the doubt.
I'm one of those people that if the whole day is filled with really awesome things, if ONE "bad" thing happens: I dwell on only that one bad thing, and not all of the good things. Almost like, that one bad thing negated everything else. (I know, it's a bad habit and one I'm trying to change!)
We were at Cam's Fall Festival tonight and I was so excited to see the boys dressed up in their costumes for the first time, and I was just in this really great mood, filled with anticipation of all of the holiday events coming up.. just sort of giddy, ya know?
We ate dinner first there, and the place was filled with lots of scurrying of little ones in costumes, giggling, excitement... and we're sitting at our table and I'm talking with this lady that helps the kids out of the cars in the carpool lane at Cam's preschool (which happens to be at a church.. that we don't attend, but it's really great).
And she's just the sweetest lady, and so thoughtful, and talks with me about Campbell and how attached he is to his trains, and she goes to get me a hot dog, because Campbell ate mine (and his).. she just gets up and gets me a hot dog.. like she's taking care of me, like she takes care of the kids that she teaches at the school.
A lady I barely know, just from the carpool line.
And all of the sudden her preteen daughter walks up, in tears, literally with blood running out of her mouth, and an entire tooth sitting in the palm of her hand. Her front tooth to be exact. A permanent tooth. And I realize that not even a week ago, this is the same girl who's face I painted at Cooper's school Fall Festival.
And Ethan and I are just sitting there in shock at this poor girl, knowing that it could be days or longer before she has another front tooth, and how hard that will be on her at school, and not to mention the PAIN she must be going through.. some freak accident that knocks her entire tooth out. All the way to the root.
Usually you have the advantage of a numbing shot at the dentist, but she didn't have that luxury.
So I'm in shock, Ethan leaves to go somewhere, the mother and daughter rush away to try and stop the bleeding.. and I look across the table and there are these THREE adult women (mothers) who are laughing.
At the girl.
Making gross-out faces that only an eight-year old could compete with.
Looking at each other and smirking about the girls apparently "really large tooth".
Like, seriously.
So in my disbelief, I point blank say to them:
"Don't you think you shouldn't be laughing at her? She's probably in pain... That probably really hurt!"
And they just look at me like they can't believe I called them out on it, and one of the women says, in the snarkiest of voices, and again, a *tone* that only a child could compete with, "I can laugh at anything I want to laugh at."
Yes a grown woman. A mother. And probably a regular member of this church (of course just because you go to church, obviously doesn't mean you're a Saint!) And she was a pit-bull, you could tell, ready to BRING. IT. ON.
All I could eep out was a defeated, but strong, "Nice." I'm a pit bull too (just ask Ethan), but wasn't about to fight that battle. I could tell where she was coming from, and it wasn't a good place.
I just felt ick, ya know?
Like #1, I can't believe these women. #2. I can't believe I had a confrontation at a church function with a complete stranger.
I don't know what I was more in disbelief about: the fact that they're laughing at this poor girl, or her reaction to what I said.
I just sat there with a "is this really happening?" look on my face.
And the rest of the night, I just felt sick to my stomach. And I felt like it just "ruined" my whole evening. I felt like I couldn't totally be in the moment with the boys because I just felt sick about it all. Sick for that little girl. Sick about those women. And sick about the fact that they're all raising children!
I'm not perfect by any means don't get me wrong, but even Cooper expressed utter interest in the welfare of that little girl. You could tell he felt utterly bad for her.
so my point is (and yes, i have one.. ;-)
Just be nice.
It's such a simple thing, ya know?
Be nice to your fellow human beings.
Cooper often tells me of the "rules" in his classroom, like "Stay in your chair."... "Raise your hand." and the other day he said that another rule is "Treat others the way you would want to be treated."
WOW, right? The most basic of rules.
Make someone's day by going out of your way to do something nice. For a family member you might have not talked with in a while, or for your spouse, or boyfriend, or child, or friend.
Just do something or say something nice to them for no reason. No reason at all.
More than anything, if there's anything I hope my boys learn is to Be Kind. Be Caring. Be Thoughtful. Be Considerate. Of their fellow human beings.
I'm not naive. I realize there are mean people out there. People that do horrendous things to other people. And in the grand scheme of things, this woman is a blip on the radar of *meanness*. But i think what made me feel even sicker about it is, that she is a person that is (seemingly) just like me. A mother - a person that usually just naturally has the ability to empathize. To feel pain for another person's pain.
I've realized lately that there need to be more random acts of kindness in my world. Because it could be that one little kind gesture that could make someone's day. Or month. Or year. Because there's so much crap to bring us down in this world, I want to be able to focus on the good. Expect good in people, even when I encounter so many not-so-good people everywhere I turn. Whether it be snarky people online (oh yes), or snarky people in person.
I also realize that probably 90% of the average population would not have acted that way in that situation. The key is to NOT let the small few negate the fact that on average, people do care. I do believe that. But I forget it alot. I'm trying to not dwell on the negativity.. it's something I really have to work at.
All that aside...
One really nice and sweet and unsolicited act of kindness that happened to me last week really just made my day. :-) And it really just filled my heart. And it was JUST what I needed that day. And i sort of felt like that *good feeling* just stayed with me for days. It was the thoughtfulness behind it that meant so much to me. Anyone can say something nice about someone, but the selflessness behind the words is what makes those words so meaningful.
I'm sure alot of you read Floresita's blog.. she's insanely talented, incredibly inspiring and is one of the forces behind feelingstitchy, a site that I stalk pretty regularly.
I love this new concept she has been doing on her blog called "Conversations". She was so kind to do one featuring me.. and like I said, it really meant the world to me!
So I wanted to *pay it forward* a bit, hoping that I can pass on that fuzzy feeling to someone else. Someone I admire. Someone I care about. Someone I appreciate. Someone that has been a positive influence on my life, even if in the smallest ways.
I have three girls I wanted to feature.. I have to say that I'll only do this for this post because this is uniquely Floresita's. And i also have to admit that it's quite the challenge putting these vignettes together! I'm not as talented at it as she is. :-) I adore how she juxtaposes her images and they really seem to relate to each other and "speak" to each other, pun intended.
First I put together some images of mine and of Floresita's as a thank-you for being so sweet and for making my day last week.
1. "progress" by floresita 2. untitled by me
2. "with french knots" by floresita 4. untitled by me
I'm not as eloquent with words as she is, so my conversation includes some of her own words that she posted on her blog about her crafting philosophy. I admire it so much:
I try not to buy new fabrics or materials. Instead of throwing away
a shirt, skirt, or pants because it has a tear or a stain, I cut them
and use them as fabric for crafts.
For me, this is what crafting is all about: using what you have, and working in the limitations of your own means to make something beautiful.
I also love hearing her words about her family. I love the way she writes. I love reading about her history. And I love that she so openly shares those words. There's something to expressing things via the internet. I think in some ways, we feel alot more open to just let our words float out into this world beyond our computer screen.. not knowing who might be reading, but always connecting in some way with complete strangers across the globe. People we would've never met if it weren't for good 'ole www. :-)
Thank you for being so kind and always inspiring, Floresita!
1. new house equals new couch by karli. 2. untitled by me.
3. barbie doll trunk by karli 4. untitled by me.
My next "conversation" is with Karli, who I also met online a year or so ago. She had bought some of my digital kits and I always *loved* seeing the projects she created with them on Flickr. We started talking a bit via email.. and she would always pop up on flickr or my blog leaving the sweetest most enthusiastic comments EVER. I have to say that I *ADORE* a girl that types many of her words in all caps (to show her excitement!) and that never underuses the exclamation mark! Lol!(there are never EVER enough exclamation marks in our world. ;-) She is literally like a ray of sunshine that brightens my day. EVERY DAY.
I don't think I've EVER "seen" her in a bad mood.. always bubbly, always putting a positive spin on everything, always leaving you the most uplifting and supportive words. Always saying the funniest old sayings, things your grandpa would say! I love her love of vintage and everything kitsch, and that her ability to not take everything so seriously is reflected in her home decor, artwork and more.
I love her cute CUTE family. Her love for them.
I feel so blessed to know Karli and hopefully I can meet her in person one day! (a trip to Buffalo maybe? not in the Wintertime though.. sorry, i can't handle THAT kind of COLD! ;-)
1. making sense by Lu. 2. me by me.
3. NovSelfPorts by Lu. 3. new orleans by me.
My last conversation is with Lu.. who I met when I was doing freelance scrapbook art a few years ago, but got to know even more over the last year or so.
She's one of those friends that always has your back. If you sound like you're down, she's the first to email you and offer kind words.
She says the funniest things, and makes me laugh at almost every email.
We don't talk ALOT, but when we do, it's always meaningful and genuine. :-)
I *LOVE* her concept and website entitled Art-Slam. You can read more about her project here.
I admire how involved she is with the blogging community and her participation in the BlogHer conferences around the country. She even spoke on a panel about beautiful blogging and positive posting, which I totally admire!
So thanks Lu for being a great friend and always in inspiration. :-)
If you feel inspired, try out some conversations with some of your favorite people.. but make sure to link back to Floresita as inspiration! :-)
(and i promise my next post WILL be about BlytheCon, and there will be no long-winded stories about mean people. I'll put my "Mean People Suck" shirt away. Promise.)
oooh this is fantastic!!!
thanks for this :)
dearsuzanne(at)gmail(dot)com